03 Aug Random Journal Entries: I don’t want to tell people….
What’s up everyone! This is something new that I’m trying out. It’s a series of journal posts that I wrote while i was struggling with my mental health and in turn, everything else in my life. The purpose and intent of me sharing these entries is to help open the conversation around mental health, make it normal to talk about and help erase the stigma around mental health. We live in a fast paced, all or nothing, win at all costs world that doesn’t take time out or accept the fact that we are human and have emotions and feelings that need to be expressed. As a result, we tend to keep these feelings inside, and they build up and build up until those rooms in our head are full, and we experience severe consequences from depression, anxiety, ptsd, and numerous other illnesses ( which also affect us physically with the brain-gut connection, but that’s another blog). And then, we mask the pain, put a bandaid on it with our easy to obtain and easily prescribed medication, which in the end, does not FIX or get to the root of the problem but only increases our chances with addiction. So….the way that i feel like i can at least help a little in this massive global issue, is to share my story, piece by piece, in the hopes that someone can relate, know their not alone and hopefully start the conversation around mental health. It’s time to walk the talk.
Thank you for listening and please share this blog if you feel it is appropriate, Brad
….. I don’t want to tell people because then they’ll avoid me or tip toe around because they don’t know what to do or say. Better to just not tell guess…..
Dec 22, 2016
Rough bit of time yesterday. Got very anxious when plans weren’t what I thought. Wasn’t working out and felt like my brain went into shut down. No patience, got frustrated w Nolan. I HATE THAT! I just want to be good again. I feel like I can’t tell anyone what I’m going through. First, they won’t understand, second, everyone has their problems and why would I want to ruin what’s maybe a good day for them. So keep it all inside. So fucking hard to function right now, no drive, no motivation, I feel like I can’t even control myself. how can I be responsible for other people? I’ve been off work for 21 days and it’s hard because I want to be alone but then all i do is think and get depressed. And then I want to go out but there’s no-one to go out with and I don’t want to pretend that I’m happy and all that does is make other people depressed. I have Nolan all day and I want to play but I don’t want to. And then I feel guilty and I can’t think of anything to do. Lots to do for Xmas, no free time, what i wan to get done doesn’t and then it just stresses me out more. I hope next week will give me some tools to cope and deal with my brain!
Good – exercising everyday, eating right, just doing the basics……I hope this is over soon